A Kick in the Ass

9:56PM

 I was rather bored tonight so i decided to randomly im people i havent talked to in a long time. mainly I imed people who's away messages intrigued me. Most people responded when they came back from away, but only one turned into an actually (altough, nonsensical) conversation. This is the conversation that ensued between myself and my highschool drafting/architecture teacher:


Irun4eaxtc [8:29 PM]:  you are right brumble, life is not measured by the breaths we take...primarily because breaths is not unit of measurement
Auto response from EagleT75 [8:29 PM]:  Life is not measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.

( Sephiroth Survives 2 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

1:33AM

I can't get rid of you
I don't know what to do
I don't even know who is growing on who
'Cos everywhere I go you're there
Can't get you out of my hair
Can't pretend that I don't care - it's not fair

I'm being punished for all my offences
I wanna touch you but I'm afraid of the consequences
I wanna banish you from whence you came
But you're part of me now
And I've only got myself to blame

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
Any fool can see

Sleeping in an empty bed
Can't get you off my head
I won't have a life until you're dead
Yes, you heard what I said

I wanna shake you off but you just won't go
And you're all over me but I don't want anyone to know
That you're attached to me, that's how you've grown
Won't you leave me, leave me alone

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
Any fool can see

You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)
You're really growing on me
(Or am I growing on you?)

Current mood: confused

Current music: The Darkness-Growing on Me

( Sephiroth Survives 6 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

11:56PM

There is only one word that could capture the true essence of the awesomeness of a wonderful first date with Lori tonight:

Current mood: Fantasmagorical!

( Sephiroth Survives 4 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

2:54AM - I like my women like my coffay...

...Hot, Sweet, and capable of keeping me up til 3 am...

Current mood: Ecstatic

( Sephiroth Survives 7 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

2:01AM

"Fuck You Aurora"

My, my what a mess we've made
Of our pretty little heads these days.
It appears a heavy wind's blown through here recently.
Best wishes have been made for you.

You never had no say it's true.
You have to be the cutest gravedigger I've ever seen.
And all your lonely nights
In the city of lights are much like
All these crowded bars I so often find my stupid self-stumbling through.

My, my what a mess was made of my head
When I heard what you'd been through that day.
It appears a violent storm's passed through you recently.

Letters meant to be sent have been torn.
The phone lies off the hook, on the floor.
All these "I'm sorry"s and "I miss you"s are useless.
I fucked this one up long ago.

And all your lonely nights
In the city of lights are much like
All these crowded bars I so often find my stupid self-stumbling through.
Fuck you Aurora, you took my only friend.

And although it's all my fault,
The blaming myself had to come to an end. So I say:
Fuck you Aurora, you took my only friend.


My, my what a mess we've made
Of our precious little lives these days.
It appears a big fucking tornado has twisted us up recently.
Best wishes have been made for you.

You never had no say it's true.
You have to be the cutest gravedigger I've ever seen.
And all your lonely nights in the city of lights are much like
All these crowded bars I so often find my stupid self-stumbling through.

Fuck you Aurora, you took my only friend.
And although it's all my fault,
The blaming myself had to come to an end. So I say:
Fuck you Aurora, you took my only friend.



"Mercy Me"

It's been a long day living with this
It's been a long time since I felt so sick
I took a long walk straight back home
I could've walked back to San Francisco
I used to long for time alone
I used to long for a place of my own
now I'm losing faith in everything
I'm lost, so lost, i'm lost at sea, you'll see

I used to long for broken bones
I used to long for a casket to call my own
I never had a problem facing fear
but I'm done, over and out my dear and

Oh mercy me
God bless catastrophe
There's no way in hell
We'll ever live to see through this so
Drive yourself insane tonight
It's not that far away and I just
filled up your tank earlier today
(Yeah!)

It's been a long day living with this
It's been a long time since I felt so sick
I took a long walk straight back home
I could've walked back to Chicago
I used to long for time alone
I used to long for a place of my own
and I've lost faith in everything
I'm lost, so lost, I'm lost without you

Oh mercy me
God bless catastrophe
There's no way in hell
We'll ever live to see through this so
Drive yourself insane tonight
It's not that far away and I just
filled up your tank earlier today
(Yeah!)

So drive yourself insane tonight
It's not that far away and I just
filled up your tank earlier today
(Yeah!)

(OMNISLASH!)

12:57AM

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
but I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day,
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you,
but I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Current mood: apathetic

Current music: Oasis-Wonderwall

(OMNISLASH!)

3:50AM

Wtf!?

I'm almost fuckin 20 years old and my parents put a parental control block on livejournal. I can still log in and update, but I cant read any posts by me or anyone else, nor can I even view anyone's info page. I mean, what are they attempting to shelter me from? I think all in all I'm a pretty good kid.



On another note, I made it through the worst day of my life and I believe that in doing so, I have learned some things about me...personal things (sorry for anyone who cares to know). Today's events completely altered my state of mind. I knew this pain was inevitable, but I had no idea it would come this soon. Thanks to some new found friends (Laura and Ally), my best male friend (Scott), Christey, Odd Todd, coff-ay, and most importantly a guy who I have known for nearly 12 years, Greg. I have come to the conclusion that over the past year, among all the things I gave up, I lost a crucial part of myself, my carefree nature. According to Greg "You must die completely in order to live again." I think I died today, so tomorrow, I'm starting over. I would not trade the past 18 months for the world, infact, I traded my entire world for those very months and I'm glad I did. The past two months I firmly believed that who ever said "tis better to love and have lost than to never have loved at all" never had their heart broken. Now I realize that they were right. I've had my heart broken many times by the same girl and yet I continue to love her. I walk away from this relationship today disappointed that it had to come to an end so soon, yet I am glad to have the wonderful memories of the best year of my life. Tim McGraw described exactly how I feel when he said "In the end I'll never count the costs...its worth all that's lost...just to see you smile." It took me more than 2 months, but I think I am finally over her. (for those of you who dont know, Kim and I broke up the 27th of January). I'm not quite ready to move on just yet, I need to reorganize my life first. I have already started running and lifting again. I have to find some motivation to excel at school again immediately. (I have less than 48 hours to write 2 papers). When my schedule permits, I shall return to my boyscout troop...as a leader. As far as my future goes, I have a vague idea of where I'd like to end up, something I did not have before Kim. At this point, there is not much I can do but to "have faith and bee positive."

Kim, if you happen to read this, I want you to know that I am finally ready to be your friend, nothing more. I understand that we are still really young and that we both have a lot of living left to do. I will always be here for you no matter what. I cant alter the way I feel about you, but I can (and will) respect your wishes and feelings. I shall accept the fact that we are no longer together. I forgive you for all the pain you've put me through, and in return I hope you accept my apology for anything that I may have done that hurt you in any way. As long as I live, I will never stop loving you.

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standin' pretty
In the dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here...
And here it is, a red balloon
I think of you and let it go.

Current mood: content

(OMNISLASH!)

10:14PM

Gonna get in the car with a smile and the burn that I put on my arm the day you went away girl

...and I probably won't come back around again.

Gonna get in the car with a smile and the burn that I put on my arm the day you went away girl

...and I probably won't come back around again.

Gonna drive all night through the red lights flying, over the hill to the county line blind

...forgetting to forget that you're not mine.

Kiss your Appocolyps for the last, last time runaway runaway runaway
I can't find anytime you think it changed your mind,

Anytime you want, jump back too me anytime, jump back to me anytime,
jump back to me anytime, come back one more time anytime.

There's a place where I go to take the edge of the day, when the radios up your
face fades away, flicker flicker dim and fade to black.
With a back pack packed, and a mark on the map. Gonna drive too fast, Gonna not
look back, light the night with a blow torch and a match.

Got no time, reason or rhyme, not gonna stop, gonna ride all night

Got no time, reason or rhyme, not gonna stop, gonna ride all night

Got no time, reason or rhyme, not gonna stop, gonna ride all night

Anytime

jump back too me anytime, jump back to me anytime,
jump back to me anytime, come back one more time anytime.

Kiss your Appocolyps for the last, last time runaway runaway runaway
I can't find anytime you think it changed your mind

Kiss your Appocolyps for the last, last time runaway runaway runaway
I can't find anytime you think it changed your mind

For the last time

For the last time

For the last time

For the last time

Current mood: pessimistic

Current music: Eve 6-Anytime

(OMNISLASH!)

1:07AM

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand

'Cos you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway

The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed

That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing
(It's here to stay)
'Cos love is only a feeling
Anyway.

Current mood: disappointed

Current music: The Darkness-Love Is Only A Feeling

( Sephiroth Survives 1 Attack| OMNISLASH!)

12:02AM - I learned something about myself tonight...

I'm a very "lousy" person. I base this off of a couple of things. Here's a short list of a few of the things I used to reach my conclusion.

1. I'm a lousy student (everyone already knows that anyway)
2. I'm a lousy son (my father thinks my first name is "Damnit")
3. I'm a lousy uncle (I dont spend enough time playing with my niece)
4. I'm a lousy brother (I dont spend enough time keeping my niece occupied)
5. I'm a lousy "brother" (ask my ex-"lil sis")
6. I'm a lousy friend (When's the last time I even talked to one of my friends?)
7. I'm a lousy employee (it seems like I've been on the brink of losing my job from the first day)
8. I'm a lousy worker (I never get anything done)
9. I'm a lousy Eagle Scout (I just use that title for personal gain)
10. I'm a lousy member of society (I use others for personal gain)
11. I'm a lousy American (its been a week since Katrina hit, and I only donated $1)
12. I'm a lousy listener (I have a bad case of selective hearing)
13. I'm a lousy listmaker (I'm making a list of things I'm lousy at)
14. I'm a lousy comedian (I didnt even think that last one was funny)

but what hurts the most is:

I'm a lousy boyfriend.  

Kimmy, I'm really sorry about today. I love you very much...please forgive me.

( Sephiroth Survives 3 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

3:12PM - Kimmy+me+beach+coffay=great fun weekend

So, Kim and I had a very romantic weekend at the beach...walks along the beach, "playing" in the waves, collecting sea shells, hanging out on the dock, swimming in the pool, but most importantly, just enjoying each other's company. I managed to actually get her to eat a piece of fish (other than canned tuna) for the first time on Friday, and she may have even liked it. Saturday, we met up with a buddy of mine from Pfeiffer, Brandon Whittaker, cuz he lives close to where we stayed. Brandon, Catherine (Brandon's girlfriend), Kim and I went down to Emerald Isle for the day. Emerald Isle was extremely packed, especially for Kim's and my tastes, so we told our companions that we were gonna try to find somewhere a little more personal, and our group went separate ways. Eventually, Kim and I found a beach that suited us better and spent the day there instead. (sorry for lack of details, tryin to keep the post at a pg-13 rating) Due to poor sleeping conditions and being exhausted from beach bumming two days in a row, I needed a coff-ay fix to get me through Sunday. I started with 3 cups for breakfast. Then spent the day at the pool and had great fun again. Came home, had some coff-ay with lunch. Then had to head home after lunch cuz I had to work Sunday night. Got home round 6ish, took Kim home, then headed of to work around 7:30. I had to work from 8-close (which ended up being till 12:45). Good thing they let me drink coff-ay on the job cuz I was supa tired. Didnt get home till after 1, so I went to bed. Dont really remember anything from class today cuz I slept through most of it, except for the stuff about cannibals. I should go take a nap now. I'm gonna need to be rested up for this weekend. I close everynight Thursday-Sunday and I have a test Friday morning, and a paper due Monday...this outta be fun.

I love you Kim, and thank you for making my weekend so wonderful.

Current mood: tired

( Sephiroth Survives 1 Attack| OMNISLASH!)

9:17PM

I gotta job today! Well...as long as I dont goof up too badly during training these next 2 weeks. So, as of right now, I start my training tomorrow, then we'll see...

( Sephiroth Survives 4 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

8:09PM

guys are worth $65,000 more than girls. so i am worth more than kim and nicole because i am a guy.

(OMNISLASH!)

11:56PM

Note: if after reading this post you find yourself saying "WTF mate!?", reread again, this time aloud, in the fashion of a certain small, wicked-awesome, kick-ass, green, alien-dude, then you will know.

Very confusing city of Greensboro is. Seeking the Grand Cinemas, got lost Kim and I did. Hmmm. To Star Wars Episode III, 2 tickets I had. Not until Thursday come out it does. Hmmm. Much jealousy I sense in you. Jealously leads to greed, virture of the darkside that is. Hmmm. Captivating the battle scenes were. Tragic, yet magnificent the story was. Listen not to critics that degrade Lucas' works. Hmmm. See for yourself you must. On this subject, nothing more shall I say.

Hmmm. Of other things randomly I shall speak.

Hmmm. Job I seek. No luck I have. Found one Kim has. Deserve it she does.

Hmmm. Sleep I need. Recharge for class tomorrow I must.

Hmmm. Kim...with all my heart, love you I do. With you, may the force be.

Current mood: alert as a Jedi

Current music: Weird Al Yankovic - Anakin Guy

( Sephiroth Survives 3 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

3:10AM

Its good to be home! I love Mebane, and I dont want to leave for another couple years. I'm really iffy about returning to Pfeiffer next fall. I really do like it there, but there's just no place like home. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is in Mebane (well...technically in pleasant grove). I love Pfeiffer, I just dont feel like I belong there.

This past semester was the first time I ever had a decent semester GPA-3.2 (and thats with 2 C's). Sadly, that averages my yearly semester to a 2.35, which is about what I maintained in highschool. My plans for this fall called for a minimum GPA of 2.5...at least I made up for that horrible 1.23 I had last semester. Maybe I still have a chance. If not, there's always the option of a semester or two at ACC to boost my GPA. Attending ACC doesnt seem like that bad of an idea...I mean, thats just even more time I get to spend with my wonderful girlfriend. Fall plans are undecided right now.

ok, so what about summer plans? Well, my top priority is spending some quality time with Kim. Along with that, I'm searching for a job, registering for summer school at ACC, and getting ready for the labor day 5K. Is it weird to be excited by all that?

ok...time for bed...long day tomorrow of job searching, lawn mowing, and possibly puking...

Current mood: tired

( Sephiroth Survives 4 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

10:29AM - little bit of humor from this morning

went to take a shower this morning and left the door unlocked so i wouldnt have to take my keys to the shower with me, just like every morning at 10:00. while in the shower, my roommate comes back to the room and he always locks the door, even when he's here. so when i come back to my room the door is locked. and the best part...i was too out of it this morning to remember to grab my towel. good thing jeff was still here cuz i cant afford to miss another chemistry or oral communications class. although chem wouldnt be a problem (jackman would understand), it'd be kinda hard to give a good speech naked.

Current mood: amused

( Sephiroth Survives 20 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

9:57AM

It's been so long since I've been gone
Another day might be too long for me
Traveling around I've had my fill
Of broken dreams and dirty deals
A concrete jungle surrounding me
Many nights I've slept out in the streets
I paid my dues and I changed my style
Seen hard times. All over now

I want to come home. It's been so long since I've been away
And please, don't blame me 'cause I've tried
I'll be coming home soon to your love to stay

I miss old friends that I once had
Times ain't changed and I'll be glad when I go home
I don't know why the thought came to me
But why I'm here I really can't see. And now...

I want to come home. It's been so long since I've been away
And please, don't blame me 'cause I've tried
I'll be coming home soon to your love to stay
Coming home to stay
Coming home to your love, mama


I miss old friends that I once had
Times ain't changed and I'll be glad when I go home
I don't know why the thought came to me
But why I'm here I really can't see. And now...

I want to come home. It's been so long since I've been away
And please, don't blame me 'cause I've tried
I'll be coming home soon to your love to stay
Coming home to stay
Coming home to your love, mama

Current mood: chipper

Current music: Lynyrd Skynyrd-Comin Home (live)

(OMNISLASH!)

8:24PM

tried to find concord mills tonight for the first time by myself. not good idea. directions i had were extremely bad. got lost beyond recognition. sun went down. rain refuses to cease. stopped at gas station to ask directions. the people there couldnt even give me directions to I-85. coulda sworn i was the new character in the next texas chainsaw massacre movie. scarred shitless. drive around for hours. stumble across I-85 miraculously. find my way home. heart still beating out of my chest. maybe more details when i calm down. too paranoid to type.

( Sephiroth Survives 2 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

5:56PM

I've been slack about postin for a while...so for a short update...

I currently have A's in 3 out of 4 classes (physics is a bit iffy...). Soo...I got my car back. WooHooo! Which means more trips back to mebane in the future.

I got to spend valentines day with my wonderful valentine, Kimberly. It had to have been by far the best valentines day ever (considering the only other person I ever spent valentines day with was J.J. Knox...thats not that hard to do). details are few due to the disclaimer in my profile about keeping this journal "G" rated for public posts.

I had a little run-in with a habanero pepper last week...not really something i want to go into right now. All i'm gonna say is that I've finally been defeated by a pepper.

thats all for now.

Kim...I love you...you know what to do...

oh...and mister habanero...I want a rematch.

( Sephiroth Survives 15 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)

5:30PM - Back In Black (and gold)

As my last post stated...I'm Still Alive...barely. I just got back from my first run in a while, and I'm feelin quite out of shape.

lets see...since my last REAL post...(which was quite a while before the break)...

I managed to lose the one person that I thought I never would...not really somethin I want to go into, but I think things are getting slightly better now...? If I could get another chance, I'd put it in a ziplock bag and keep it in my pocket...(I miss my little sister)

uhm...i kinda lost my status as "token single guy". That, of course, being the highlight of my hiatus. (For those of you who havent caught on) Her name is Kim...

Now...on to school; I kinda floundered my first semester at Pfeiffer cuz I have no work ethic what-so-ever (but I'm workin on that...) So, my parents kinda refused to send me back...at their expense. So, I wasnt really sure if I'd be able to return or not. I had to find a loan cuz I have no money to my name.

soo...I'm back at Pfeiffer in the village of Meisenheimer. Classes are goin pretty good this semester, with Calc 2 at 8:00 am! Great Fun! Then its off to Physics 2 and Chemistry 2 (I get to take Chem 2 even though I failed Chem 1... :-\ ) !

Even though my classes arent too difficult, this semester is really gonna blow. I'm gonna have to bust my ass to bring my GPA up after last semester so I can get my car back. low GPA=no car=no trips home for the Dougyfresh. Theres nothing wrong with Pfeiffer, its just that I'm used to goin home every weekend and now being able to return home every weekend is much more important than it used to be (mainly because I miss Kim after a day, but there are other reasons too).

Yea...so, with the exception of a few things, I'm doin great! I'm just one fry short of a happy meal...



Kim...Ik hou van jou

Current mood: exhausted

Current music: Hootie and the Blowfish-Only Wanna Be With You

( Sephiroth Survives 14 Attacks| OMNISLASH!)